wrigley field is MILF paradise
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FUCK WHALES
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
