I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
