when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
