i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
