Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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