I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
