I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
