If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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