It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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