did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
