it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
