Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
