Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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