maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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