My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
