My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
