We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
