I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
