Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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