Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
