he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
