Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
