i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
