So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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