I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
