I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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