pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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