brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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