girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
