hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
