if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
