a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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