hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
