My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
