I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
