a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
