Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
