wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
