very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
