I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
