he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
