sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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