I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
