the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
