I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
