my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
