he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
