You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
