I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
