dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
