Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
