I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So much rum. So many feels.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
