U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
