do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
